Hugh Muir – Taking Bread From The Mouth Of The ‘Daily Mash’…

Hugh Muir writes possibly the worst column I’ve ever seen in the ‘Guardian’. In fact, if it hadn’t been published under his byline, I’d assume it was some unfunny ‘Daily Mash’ type spoof…

India Gary-Martin is worried.


And that’s not her way in normal circumstances. A black woman who reaches the heights in business doesn’t scare easily.

But then, these are not normal circumstances. What’s eating her? It’s a court case and a whole bunch of concerns around Santre Sanchez Gayle, the west London teenager now beginning life imprisonment after conviction a fortnight ago.

Concerned the evil little oxygen-thief might get parole, or freed on appeal?

He faced “challenges”, as they say.

Ah. Guess not…

Both a close friend and a cousin had been involved in brutal, high-profile murders.

Those are ‘challenges’, all right. Most people, though, would take them as a wake-up call that they were in the wrong line of work.

Still it was never a given that he would go down.

Clearly, India knows our justice system only too well…

Through her community work, India knows people who tried to pull him out of the quicksand. “I hear he was a good kid in many ways,” she says.

He had been in trouble, sure. His nickname was Riot.

As the Devil points out, shouldn’t that have been a bit of a clue?

Santre shot a woman in the face, a Turkish woman he’d never seen before. No one knows why for sure, but the police believe Turkish gangsters, knowing he was vulnerable and open to an offer, paid the 15-year-old £200 to do their dirty work.

Death for her, deniability for them, £200 and a life in jail for him. He is the most public but, police say, not the first. Part of a cynical, murderous cross-community initiative.

Hey, India, what’s not to like about diversity and greater cultural cross-group efforts to solve problems?

Santre was big news for 24 hours; the same sullen mug shot, reproduced throughout the media. Then nothing. India, a native of New York, can’t understand it.

“Where’s the fuss? Where’s the outrage?” she says passionately. “If this happened this way in New York, Al Sharpton would have been on to it immediately, people would be marching. For one community to prey on another like this just wouldn’t be tolerated.”

Ah. Right. Silly me. I thought the outrage would be that a woman was brutally gunned down by a soulless killer. Of course, that’s not what’s got India’s panties in a bunch. It’s that those awful Turks waved money in an impressionable black youth’s face and forced him to kill, practically!

Yes, indeed, if not for them, Santre would have spent his days roaming London looking for old ladies to help across the street and kittens in trees requiring rescue…

Leveraging“, she calls it. Not using the normal financial definition – the ratio of assets to liabilities – but a form of social leveraging. We have assets enough to ensure that you assume all of the risk.

The core problem is poverty, says India, chair of the charity Leap, which works to help people out of poverty.

Of course it’s poverty. Poor, starving Santre desperately needed that £200 to buy food and medicine for his poor aged mother and…

Oh. Wait:

Santre Sanchez Gayle, 15, was paid just £200 to carry out the murder of Gulistan Subasi – a fee he used to buy a gold Dolce and Gabbana beanie hat.

Some ‘poverty’, India…

“These are two disadvantaged, vulnerable groups, one leveraging the other. But the issue is deprivation. That £200 to him was same as £2m to someone else.”

We all work to get paid; all play the numbers game in our own way.

We do indeed, Hugh, we do indeed. Some of us do honest work, some of us turn in this sort of boilerplate, by-the-numbers left-wing hogwash to the ‘Guardian’ and nip to the pub for a long lunch…

5 comments for “Hugh Muir – Taking Bread From The Mouth Of The ‘Daily Mash’…

  1. June 9, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    Even if £200 quid to that little scrot sack was worth 2 million to me (which it isn’t, it’s worth £200 and is still a lot of cash) I wouldn’t spend 2 million quid on a bloody beanie hat.

    • June 9, 2011 at 6:45 pm

      I know! And I love the way it blows the ‘poverty’ whinge out of the water… 😆

  2. Sue
    June 9, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    I’m beginning to think the whole bloody country has gone mad. Do the words “right” and “wrong” mean nothing anymore? The ten commandments would be a good start to teach people the difference.

    • June 9, 2011 at 6:45 pm

      To this sort of person, they are mere words.

  3. June 10, 2011 at 8:13 am

    a gold Dolce and Gabbana beanie hat


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