Fancy a coffee?

Well now here’s an interesting thing.

Some time ago, the ban-brigade tried it on with Buckfast because they had caffeine and alcohol in the same bottle. Buckfast, in true Glaswegian style, told them to procreate and leave in that order. Probably started that instruction with ‘See you’ and ended it with ‘Pal’ too.

The caffeine banners fell silent for a time apart from mutterings about Red Bull and its like. Now they’re back, with a study encompassing a whopping 22 people, to prove that caffeine is a gateway drug to crack cocaine.

You know, I have a cure for a terrible disease here but I can’t call it that until several hundred people have tested it. If I want to ban something, I’d only need about five.

It’s insane. Of course it is. Nobody could apply the tobacco template to coffee. Nobody will ever have to sign out to take a coffee break. That would just be silly.

Yet in the comments:

Rubbish utter RUBBISH. I am a massive caffeine addict drinking at least 4 large and i do mean very large mugs of coffee every morning and then i drink at least 4 cans of energy drinks throughout the rest of the day. But there is no way in hell i would ever think about doing drugs. And yes i know caffeine is a drug but you all know what i meant. – Keyboard Kowboy, Edge of reality and reason, 11/10/2011 13:33

To which the inevitable answer comes…

I think someone’s in denial! (Just try stopping and see what happens…) – Karl, Leeds, 11/10/2011 15:15

Refuse the Ban Brigade and you are in denial. If you smoke you are an addict and are in denial. If you drink you are an addict and are in denial. If you like to have lights and heat you are in denial over global warming. Are we noticing a pattern yet?

Are some of these coffee addicts the same as those who delighted in the smoking ban? Oh, they call the ‘experts’ out as fakes now but they were happy with the anti-smoke, anti-fat, anti-drink ‘experts’. When it’s something they hate, the experts are wonderful.

Newsflash – It’s the same game. Same board, same rules, different coloured counters.

And guess what? You’re in the queue to play.

No matter who you are.

22 comments for “Fancy a coffee?

  1. October 12, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    These puritan crusades seem to come and go in cycles and always end in tears. Prohibition being the primary example, the post English Civil War temperance movement during the interregnum another.

    In the meantime, all the associated measures do is detract from the sum of human happiness.

    • October 12, 2011 at 11:39 pm

      I hope I’m around to see the current banmeisters get the same accolade finally awarded to Cromwell.

      It doesn’t have to be posthumous this time.

      • October 13, 2011 at 5:49 am


  2. October 12, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    I’m socially dependent on coffee, I drink litres of the stuff during office hours and am usually wide awake and active, but at the weekend I only drink one or two cups in the morning and I spend most of the day dozing or snoozing, or resting in between times.

    • October 12, 2011 at 11:38 pm

      I have an espresso machine. That’s why I’m often posting at 4 am 😉

  3. October 12, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    I had to give up the coffee – which is a shame as I like it. I’ve not had a migraine since. Funnily enough, I can get away with energy drinks, so it isn’t the caffeine that’s the trigger here.

    When they’ve banned booze, nicotine, caffeine, salt, fats and sugar, what will they turn to then, I wonder?

    • October 12, 2011 at 11:42 pm

      Protein. It makes you grow therefore the more you eat, the more you grow, and growing is bad for the environment.

      Or it melts polar bears or encourages hard drug use, or something. It doesn’t need to make sense. None of the rest have and the saps fall for them anyway.

    • October 13, 2011 at 5:50 am

      I only seem to like coffee – real coffee, never instant – after a meal. Unless it’s Chinese, then it just has to be tea.

      • Steve
        October 13, 2011 at 9:33 pm

        The regular tea after a Chinese meal is “bo lei”, if you want a taste sensation ask for “heung pin” tea. It’s great.

  4. bollixed
    October 12, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    Liberty deniers? Deniers of choice? I could think of more ‘Gleswegian’ terms….

    • October 12, 2011 at 11:42 pm

      So can I, but it’s a family show 😉

  5. Loki
    October 12, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    All alcoholics started on milk; therfore milk is bad. Next they’ll be wanting to tax it…oh wait!

    • October 12, 2011 at 11:43 pm

      They’re way ahead of us, aren’t they?

  6. DaveP
    October 12, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    If more then 5 “ban the ****” are in conference of any sort, they should be charged for conspiracy against the people, carrying a maximum sentence of life.

    • October 12, 2011 at 11:44 pm

      … in a cell with a smoking drunk.

  7. james Higham
    October 12, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    OK, I’m getting a cappuccino right now.

    • October 12, 2011 at 11:45 pm

      Enjoy it while you can. Best get one of the little machines now, before those are banned as ‘coffee addict paraphernalia’.

  8. October 13, 2011 at 4:11 am

    I did ask the question recently “after smokers, drinkers, drivers and those who like to eat stuff,who is there left for them to hate?” Coffee drinkers seem to fit the bill. I’m looking forward to when they get more aggressive with bottled water drinkers.

    Coffee lover yes, I drink it contually when at home. Addicted? No. I don’t give it a second thought when out and about. I’ll sometimes have one at a pub but that has more to do with taking a rest from driving, making a phone call, having a smoke and using their WC.

  9. nisakiman
    October 13, 2011 at 9:37 pm

    “I’ll sometimes have one at a pub but that has more to do with taking a rest from driving, making a phone call, having a smoke and using their WC.”

    Pub? Smoke? In the same sentence? Do you live here in Greece?

    • October 14, 2011 at 9:44 pm

      Outside in the rain, silly.

  10. Steve
    October 13, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    I love Sunday mornings.
    I have a bread maker machine with a timer function and I have my coffee percolator plugged in through a timer switch.
    At 0900 on a Sunday morning I enter the kitchen to be greeted by the mingled smells of freshly baked bread and fresh coffee. Paradise.
    Whilst supping the first cup, I put on the bacon to fry, not crispy, just cooked. Then I slice that perfumed loaf thickly. One slice gets the bacon on it, the second slice gets wiped around the frying pan to absorb all of the bacon fat. A shake of salt and pepper on the bacon, second slice dropped on top, re-charged coffee cup, and it’s “Ahhhhhhhhhhh”.
    No bansturbator is going to ruin that pleasure for me. Ever.

  11. October 13, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    Banning caffeine is more than a step too far. There World will come crashing down around their ears if they push this.
    I am probably one of the most effected people when it comes to bans. I smoke, I like a drink (although not as much nowadays due to smoking ban) & I consume large amounts of caffeine on a daily basis. Oh and my diet includes sugary foods, salty foods & sometimes fatty food. So as you might guess…. I am pretty pissed at these rightous fools sticking their noses into my life. Keep up the good work Leg Iron!! Your blog is one of my daily news sources. Always a good read m8!

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