I Think The Police Would Rather We All Sat At Home Quietly…

…after all, it’d guarantee them an easy life, wouldn’t it?

A kebab shop has had its license reviewed following the death of Paul Gunner who was killed while celebrating his birthday.

Oh, and why? Did a particularly heavy kebab fall on him? Was he poisoned by one?

Well, no. He just happened to be standing outside one:

The 32-year-old was standing outside Charcoal Grill, in Bourne Road, Bexley High Street, on October 16 when he was approached by three menat around 1am.He was punched and fell to the ground and later died in hospital at 2.26am.

And can anyone tell me how that’s possibly the fault of the kebab shop? Did they work there? Had they just come from there? Is the owner putting murder-juice in the chilli sauce?

I mean, if he’d been standing outside a library, or a petrol station, would the police be seeking to close those down too?

Bexley Police asked Bexley Council’s licensing sub committee to review the shop’s licence on December 14.

This’ll be good…

PC Eddy Boston, licensing officer for Bexley, told the committee: “There is no where else to go if you come out of a pub and want to eat.“It becomes a magnet for people coming from various pubs and congregating and it can lead to tragic incidents.”

So can bus stops, taxi ranks, stations. They are all places where people leaving pubs congregate. And the odd fight breaks out there too.

Going to suggest they be closed, Eddy?

And by the way, have you cleared this action with your local fire brigade, who are doing everything in their power to persuade late-night drinkers to have a takeaway instead of burning down the house cooking chips at 2:00am?

Joined up thinking there, from the government’s employees…

PC Boston asked the committee to change the shop’s current closing time on Fridays and Saturdays from 2am to an earlier time.

If the problem is that the place is a magnet for drunken people (and who’d eat these things sober?), then it really doesn’t matter what time it closes, does it?

Of course, if they all go out of business, I’m not sure who PC Bolton thinks is going to pay his wages, if there’s no council tax from profitable businesses coming in…

Chairman of the sub committee, Councillor Michael Slaughter, said: “We do not believe the evidence supports any reduction in hours.”

Finally! Sense at last!

But hold on:

But the owner of Charcoal Grill, Ecevit Kaplankiran, was told new conditionshad been imposed on his license.These include having the CCTV system maintained and in good working order at all times and training all staff on how to use it.

He must remove all chairs and tables from the shop from 11pm to prevent people from eating inside the shop at night.

There must also be at least one Security Industry Authority door supervisor from 11pm.

In other words, he’s got to pay out more money and employ more staff to do the police’s jobs for them?

Well, in that case, why don’t we require all shops to have their own ‘quasi-police’ and get shot of the ones trying to think up new ways to avoid having to do any work?

Dilan Yildirim, representing Mr Kaplankiran, told News Shopper: “It was a tragic incident but from the beginning Mr Kaplankiran said the incident had no relevance to him and the kebab shop.

“He is pleased to have kept his hours.”

I’d be damned furious I’ve got to pay out yet more money.

Perhaps Mr Kaplankiran should figure out how much he pays in council tax to fund the police, and deduct it to fund his ‘Security Industry Authority door supervisor’ instead?

And the hunt for Mr Gunner’s attackers? How’s that going?

Three men, aged 25, 31 and 32 were arrested on suspicion of murdering Mr Gunner on October 16 but have all been released on police bail.

Hmmm, perhaps PC Boston could be better employed elsewhere?

20 comments for “I Think The Police Would Rather We All Sat At Home Quietly…

  1. December 21, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    Oh, noes! Passive kebabs!

    • December 22, 2011 at 8:54 am

      Dick’s already covered that one! Admittedly for ‘obesity’ rather than violence…

  2. December 21, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    Well, in that case, why don’t we require all shops to have their own ‘quasi-police’ and get shot of the ones trying to think up new ways to avoid having to do any work?

    Question of the decade.

    • December 22, 2011 at 8:55 am

      I’d be cheaper.

      • December 22, 2011 at 10:50 am

        / bites tongue :mrgreen:

  3. john in cheshire
    December 21, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    Welcome to the UK in the 21st century. would I rely on the police to help me? would I rely on the courts to dispense justice? Am I allowed to protect myself? Can I run my business without being persecuted?
    Is there a common answer to these questions?

    • Tattyfalarr
      December 21, 2011 at 8:14 pm

      Hmm I’d say the odd one out there is “Am I allowed to protect myself? ” since…on consideration of the answer to the other three questions being a resounding NO…the answer to that one is “do I even care if I am allowed, anymore”.

      I certainly don’t.

      • December 22, 2011 at 8:55 am

        Given jail isn’t much of a deterrent, why should anyone?

  4. December 21, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    Many shops do have ‘quasi-police’, they are called security guards. You will find them also at airports, rail stations (actually called British rail police) and even in in RSPCA ofices.
    Arguably all these people are doing what should be the work of the ordinary police.

    • December 22, 2011 at 12:19 am

      Or the other way around and the police are doing the work of security guards and private citizens. That’d be fine except that to be effective at it there’d probably need to be at least several million more police, and for obvious reasons that’s not an idea that should excite us.

  5. December 21, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    There is very deep insanity in the community in dealings with people. I am in credit for hundreds of pounds for fuel [built it up], yet one utility is in dispute with another and the one with no claim has sent an official letter saying they’re sending the bailiffs round. I’ll have a job handling two or more of them physically but that’s what’s hanging over Christmas. If I had a debt, I’d stay silent on this but as I’m way out front in credit, I’m wondering whether to call the police in over this threat. I’ve no confidence in the police on any matter these days. This is where we have sunk to in the UK.

    • Tattyfalarr
      December 21, 2011 at 8:23 pm

      they’re sending the bailiffs round…I’m wondering whether to call the police in over this threat

      Why ? Legally speaking you don’t even have to open the door to a bailiff on their first visit and unless you have signed anything in dealing with them before you have no legal contract with them.

      Google is your friend here and there is a consumer action group …(see how I didn’t actually spam the site with it’s actual name 😉 )…that will give you a lot of info on how to deal with bailiffs.

      Don’t let it spoil Christmas. Knowledge is power.

      • December 21, 2011 at 8:57 pm

        Good advice that Jemes, don’t worry about balifs, just know your rights.

  6. December 21, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    “There is no where else to go if you come out of a pub and want to eat.”
    Then how lucky the pubgoers are that they have the police to take that away from them.

    And. Doormen on a kebab shop? Are they quite mad?

    • December 21, 2011 at 9:38 pm

      Er, yes. There is a notable blog called Bexley is Bonkers and there is also the (separate) blogger Olly Cromwell who is in trouble for pointing this out forcefully.

      In addition, the Bexley police have great trouble manifesting themselves – except to intimidate a complainant – as there is a long-running joke about the letters being issued in the name of an officer who refuses to give his number and whose commanding officer refuses to confirm whether his DI physically exists.

      So yeah, they are all quite mad.

      • December 21, 2011 at 9:43 pm

        Yes I’m familliar with Olly and his mischief. That guy pullys no punches when dealing with idiots.

      • December 22, 2011 at 8:56 am

        *smacks forehead* I should have remembered!

  7. Rob F
    December 21, 2011 at 11:08 pm

    Concerning bailiffs – don’t leave any access to your home open, even windows (that’s something I read somewhere once, but it might be incorrect – I’ve never delved really deeply into the subject, as I’ve never personally had to deal with bailiffs).

    There was a murder outside our local kebab shop a few years ago, but the last I heard, the murderer was held to blame, not the kebab shop.

    Maybe we’re not all completely mad, here in Oldham.

    I’m still mad enough to eat a kebab, though – just please, let me have at least five pints first!

    • December 22, 2011 at 8:56 am


  8. Maaarrghk!
    December 22, 2011 at 11:21 am

    Sadly over t’ ill from Oldham, if you plan on getting a good kicking, then just make sure it doesn’t happen near a pub as there will be no witnesses.

    Mate of mine was off work 5 months with multiple leg fractures after being used as an extension to the dancefloor in a local pub. The landlord and other regulars would not admit to anything having taken place because he would have lost his license.

    Still, at least the bloke that attacked him died a year later of “hob nailed liver”.

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