The rise of female infidelity

Hope it’s not betraying Julia to say she has a post coming up on puritanism and I agree with her – puritanical outrage is almost as bad as what this post below is about.

Looking at the trend in our society, it’s not hard to identify what the PTB are expending the most effort on attacking, undermining and eliminating, aided and abetted by the Politically Correct.

The rocks upon which our society were built and became strong include:

1.  Sovereignty, sense of nation, sense of heritage [inc. J/C heritage], ability of the nation to self-determine and defend itself militarily plus suffrage where the people have a say and the politicians are subject to popular whim every few years and actually fear it;

2.  An industrial/agricultural base, free[ish] market, vibrant workplace with no more than 4% unemployment, jobs primarily for the indigenous [first generation immigrants under 10%] who are not welfare wasters but proud of their careers;

3.  Neither patriarchy nor matriarchy but a society based on the family, with the home as the castle.

No doubt you can add others.  That’s societal health.  That’s the route also to picking up the less than fortunate and supporting them.  A happy society is a more compassionate one and will think more charitably.

Logically, we are going to attack anyone and anything which tries to attack, undermine and eliminate those precepts.  It’s not going too far to say that many OoL readers would gladly attack, undermine and eliminate those who are damaging the society and it’s in that context that I summarize a piece from at my place, together with some of the comments.


The rise of the cheating woman

Posted on January 20th, 2012 by James Higham

No one’s arguing that men aren’t culpable, that they’ve not taken advantage of the modern woman to have pleasure without responsibility.  Nor is it acceptable to say men are by nature faithless – that’s BS – there are many men who want nothing more than to be faithful to a reasonable woman.  If they go through the courtship ritual and commit their lives and finances to that woman, it’s odds on they might just be serious about her.  Strangely, women don’t seem interested in that sort of man any more.

Let me insert this by Macheath for the moment:

It concerns a television programme called ‘Take Me Out’, which the Times’ Caitlin Moran today describes, with her customary pithy brilliance, as ‘essentially Blind Date for the Rohypnol generation’.

The victors in this sleazy enterprise are sent off for a weekend together for the subsequent delectation of the viewing public, and that’s where the dramatic irony comes in. Last week, the Mail gleefully outed one winner, supposedly a construction worker, as a ‘£50-an-hour male escort’ with a previous conviction for violence.

Spotting a clear opportunity, the woman who had been despatched to a foreign resort to enjoy his company with the blessing of the producers immediately claimed that she had been ‘manipulated’ into sleeping with him – this evidently being the expected outcome of the trip.

All was not as it seemed, however; two days later, the paper revealed that she, too had a secret – though working as a hairdresser, she had previously engaged in an altogether more horizontal profession at a princely £200 an hour (as with houses, the Mail seems to feel obliged to define escort services by price).

There it is in one.

I would argue that it’s women who have changed the most over the past few decades.  There has been a steady deterioration in the quality of the moral compass in both sexes but the campaign carried out on women has been sustained and relentless, from feminism to the state weighing in and reinforcing false constructs, the CSA etc.   The revenge element has been very strong.  I would also argue that women are more susceptible to this sort of campaigning because they were more likely to feel oppressed and powerless, even though intelligent women have written that this has skewed how it really was.

So, with that background, it was always odds on that there’d be a huge increase in faithless women and the reasons are not hard to find:

*  The social taboos have gone.  The mindset of the whore is now the mindset of the modern woman, steeped, as she is, in self-entitlement and the desire to have everything she imagines men once had.  This is reinforced by false constructs about body shape and size that both sexes are deluded about, under the onslaught of film, music, the net, the other media, fora, advertising – everything is constantly reinforcing lies, such as we weren’t meant to be monogamous, it’s fulfilling to be unfaithful and so on and now humans are assaulted by this from early teenage and it’s getting even younger.  The tart is the new model for kids.  It’s OK to be slatternly for a woman because the media tells you this is liberation and empowerment.

*  Women are less mature today.  The difference between a child and an adult is that you find words such as commitment, fidelity, sharing, responsibility, delayed gratification with adults.  A child wants fulfilment now, wants the instant hit, the kick, the excitement, wants the slam dunk without the build-up, is much quicker to react when he/she doesn’t get his/her way, has far more limited perceptions usually revolving around the self.  It once was that men were regarded as boys most of their lives, whereas women matured while still girls.  It may have once held water but certainly not today – the female is out for what she can get and will change horses mid-stream if she sees advantage to her.  Like a child, it’s almost anathema to be “good”, to be a “lady” – almost an insult – it gives a woman no street cred any more.  No woman admires the lady as the summum bonum, only the kick-butt Angelina Jolie persona.

[Admittedly that was OTT but I recover later – JH]

*  Both sexes are far more for themselves and will try to escape anything tying them to commitments.  With a new pool of faithless men and women on the market, married and unmarried, many think they’re on clover, that it’s oh so mature, that it’s an improvement on how things were.  To be able to go out and “get it” whenever you want is the simplest thing.  The fact that you are getting a debased, shallow version of a human being does not cross the minds of those who themselves have become debased and shallow.  The quality of being human has been devalued and no one sees past the skindeep to what’s going to follow on from there.

*  Narcissism is rampant.  From the male version to the woman looking in the mirror 24/7, when the state of a committed relationship means less than your own self-esteem, falsely confirmed by notches on your belt, then you’re running a huge risk of never forming a long-lasting one and I’m writing as an ex-perpetrator here, not as a victim.

I was unfortunate enough to be looking at the new Messalina, Natasha Giggs, in the context of the Pippa post – by the way, one commenter said:

What an odd country we live in when a woman can become a celebrity just by being an adultress. In years gone by she would have hung her head in shame and tried to stay out of the limelight, but not a bit of it she is brazen and hard faced and could not care less whose lives she has devastated. Definitely not a woman that should be held up as any kind of role model to our children.

… and found myself on a page where commenter after commenter was excusing infidelity, saying it improved marriages, saying it was more fulfilling, giving pseudo-sociological justifications and historical “evidence” which was utter bilge.  The more they wrote, the less grasp of what a relationship really should mean became apparent and I was about to click out from these sad people when the following comment caught my eye:

Adultery is an act of cruelty. Period. If you have ever been deeply in love with your husband and then had someone tempt your man into an affair he regrets, as happened to me, you’d understand. The trauma to both partners is almost unbearable and permanently scarring.

Yes, it’s true, there doesn’t have to have been any unhappiness in the marriage, just a weakness and internal crisis in the cheating partner when given so much attention by someone new and exciting, sort of a slide back into immaturity during that dangerous time of mid-life uncertainty…and then the wakeup, which makes him feel every day like he wishes it had all just been a bad dream. Yes, he’s now getting counseling so he can forgive himself, and no, there is still nobody who thinks there was anything wrong with the marriage, he just screwed up and took for granted what he cherished.

I was hoping for an easy answer, like, I didn’t provide something he needed, but it is much more complicated and rooted in the cheater.  To a self-centered person, affairs with married men are justified, but to the rest of us with a healthy balance of compassion for others, it is never justified.

Marriages are living things, just as vulnerable as any other living thing. If you attack it at a moment of weakness, you cause a lot of damage and you just might temporarily get that man, and it might temporarily make you feel like you are more alive, but, don’t use the excuse that the man is unhappy with his wife. If a man was truly unhappy being married he would have left the marriage already.

No one deserves the suffering my husband and I are going through, I don’t care how much that woman needed it to prop up her weak ego. Neither of my adult children deserved to go through it either. I had not witnessed my 25-year-old son cry in more than a decade, but he has cried over his father’s affair again and again. And I hate to imagine how it effects his sense of comfort with relationships now. My husband is mortified by his behavior and wants us to leave our home just to move far away from the memories.

Next time your juices start boiling when around a married man, turn on your compassion and don’t act on the feelings. Just like I might want with all my heart to take a loaded gun over to that woman’s house because of how much she hurt our family, I can control that urge, even though protecting your family is a very primal lioness urge. After all, someone loves her (though I can’t imagine it, it is probably true). You can also control your destructive urges. The boiling juices will settle down, and NO, he is not your soul mate. He is someone else’s soul mate and father to his children.

That lady was alone in her comment.

I’ve been in both positions and when it was as the other man, it was always when I was technically with someone in a relationship.  Uncanny that – I’ve never been the other man when alone but once in a relationship, it must do something to a person, perhaps make him more eligible, I don’t know and then it all starts.  How many men have such low egos they won’t be flattered by the attention of another woman, the forbidden fruit?  How many think it through – that it’s far harder to keep an ongoing relationship going and anyone can cheat at the drop of a hat?

Adultery is an act of cruelty.

It is.  It’s utter selfishness.  A young woman told me, over a coffee, that she had phoned a married man’s home, asked for him and told the child who answered the phone that she was her father’s new woman.  I just looked at her across the table and couldn’t believe that a human being would think that that was OK to do.  Was I meant to be impressed that she could get anyone she wanted?  Did she realize how low she sank at that moment in my estimation?  Did she care?

Sure there’s a need for both partners to keep working at it, to keep themselves in shape, to keep looking outwards rather than inwards and if one partner is not interested anymore, then there are of course grounds for something heavy happening – but not cheating.  If all the warnings have been given, if they were eminently reasonable grounds and not the impossible, never-satisfied list which many women demand, if the consequences have been well-signposted, then yes, a split might be the way – but not cheating.  And not having someone in the wings who’s caused you to become super-critical of late.

It matters not whom this post offends.  It matters immeasurably that the situation is reversed within this generation – humans are adaptable.  If it’s not reversed, then we’re sleepwalking into slavery because the nation, family and property were the three greatest obstacles to tyranny we knew.


  1. “women don’t seem interested in that sort of man any more.” Not wanting to sound indelicate but mostly that’s just bull.

    “The mindset of the whore is now the mindset of the modern woman,” Do you listen to yourself? If you do I guess you are looking to insult and have a fight.

    I just so can’t be asked.

    I guess you overdosed on “Hello” again. Try breathing into a brown paper bag.

  2. Unfortunately, the stats don’t support you on this, Moggsy. The incidence of women sleeping with multiple partners has leapt as part of the new world culture and though it varies from place to place, around 50% of married women in surveys own to it.

    That’s before we get to the new UK model – baby at 15-18, no father, straight onto benefits as a career move. Well known over here. I didn’t say all women do it. Logically, if 50% of married women cheat, 50% don’t. You’re obviously in the 50% who don’t and are not over 30, single and sleeping around.

    You mention Hello. Y-e-e-e-s-s-s, it’s the magazines which do reinforce it – Cosmo etc. These are the purveyors of the New Woman, dressing her up as sophisticated and with choices. What she’s actually doing is destroying the family model of society both directly and indirectly.

    Indirectly because men see their chance of nooky without responsibility or commitment or else they cease caring.


    In recent years I’ve noticed a precipitous rise in the number of men who have been betrayed by adultery, and while there’s an overall consensus among professionals that female infidelity is on the rise, the trend doesn’t garner nearly as much attention as male infidelity That’s surprising, because female infidelity is often much more damaging to a marriage. Don’t get me wrong: Male cheating is definitely harmful. But when a woman fools around, it’s often the death knell to a couple’s relationship.

    Michelle Langley, author of Women’s Infidelity:

    “After researching women’s sexuality for more than ten years, I can honestly say that most of our societal beliefs about females are grossly distorted and many are completely erroneous.”

    Male infidelity, estimated at between 50-60% of all males across a lifetime, has remained relatively steady. But female infidelity has progressively increased, to the point where current estimates put it between 45-55% for lifetime risk of infidelity by a woman, and some researchers suggest that female infidelity may one day rival male cheating.

    * in marriages 0-4 years old, chances of divorce increased 87% if wives had a history of parental divorce, 620% if both partners did
    * in marriages 5-10 years old, chances of divorce increased 41% if wives had a history of parental divorce, 160% if both partners did
    * in marriage 11+ years old, history of parental divorce was not a significant predictor of divorce

    The first national study of the prevalence of multiple partner fertility shows that 28 percent of all U.S. women with two or more children have children by more than one man.

    “Raising children who have different fathers is a major factor in the intergenerational transmission of disadvantage,” Dorius said. “Juggling all the different needs and demands of fathers in at least two households, four or more pairs of grandparents, and two or more children creates a huge set of chronic stressors that families have to deal with for decades.”

    Self, self, self, self:

    The women survey described their affairs as “fun,” “casual,” “a chance to know someone,” or “just an affair.” About 20% became involved in affairs just for sex. Dr. Ralph Meyering, Professor Emeritus at Illinois State University, notes “Married women seem to see extramarital sex as something quite different from sex with their husbands. In sex outside their marriages, women appear to feel freer to repudiate their repressions and explore their preferences.”

    Other reasons women have affairs include loneliness, the desire for adventure or experience, looking for a new husband or because their friends have affairs. Only 7% are retaliatory.

    And of course so many sites dedicated in assuaging women’s guilt, e.g.:

    “There was a time when, if you heard “multiple partners” in relation to someone’s sex life, you immediately thought “slut.” That’s simply no longer … ”

    This is typical – Gretchen Voss of Women’s Health:

    STDs and unplanned pregnancies are on the rise in women in their 20s and 30s. WH reveals how a casual attitude can have life-altering consequences

    “I don’t ask questions that I don’t want to know the answers to,” says 27-year-old Jenny* with a laugh.

    That’s why she hasn’t asked the three men she’s currently sleeping with about their sexual pasts. And when they inquire about hers, she lies. They don’t know she’s had sex with dozens of guys—instead she cops to six, the magic number that she and her friends have decided sounds most acceptable.

    For now, Jenny is focused on her public relations career in Philadelphia and has no interest in pursuing a committed relationship. “If you’re with multiple people, you can’t get your heart broken,” she says.

    Now, why would a woman not confess to what she’s actually doing? For men of a certain type, notches on the belt are a sign that he is experienced and knows what he’s doing. But this Jenny hides her true behaviour. So, far from being Amoral, she is being Immoral in her eyes. She doesn’t want it known.

    You might say this is the old patriarchal double-standard and it is. No argument. Yet this still exists and not only in men – many women see the Jennies as skanks, Natasha Giggses. So is there something more universal in attitudes, now that patriarchy has been replaced by matriarchy and women can screw around at random?

    No, it’s just as strong this view of women as it ever was. There are reasons for things, aren’t there?  Women and their relationship to families are at the centre of this.

    Hardly bull, Moggsy.


  3. Edward Spalton, on January 20th, 2012 at 07:50

    Thirty years or so ago our children went to an excellent council nursery school. Within six years, we heard that all except one other couple of the parents of their contemporaries and ourselves had split up.

    I observed the effect of this on two boys who were friends of our children. Grand, sturdy young lads, they were turned into utter little demons when their father left. It seemed that they actually blamed their mother for losing him. It was just a case that “some enchanted evening” he had seen a stranger across a crowded room and decided to walk out. So it is not just women who are in search of instant, consequence-free self gratification. This sort of behaviour would be infantile if it did not involve adult sexuality.

    As you say, the effects on the children are cruel in the extreme. I later had the job of trying to employ young men from such home backgrounds and the instability of their upbringing had made them similarly careless of the consequences of their actions. State education (of a sort) had however given them great sense of self esteem .

21 comments for “The rise of female infidelity

  1. Voice of Reason
    January 20, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    My observation is that the typical man in an affair wants another woman, women under those conditions want a different man.

  2. DerekP
    January 20, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    Maybe they want a different man but very often they will still want to hang on to his house, money, possessions.

    And all too often they want to keep him from his kids to ‘punish’ him, as the HarridanHarmMen philosophy applies – ‘they know that they are right and that all men are bastards, whatever the facts or circumstances’.

  3. Mary
    January 20, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    Wow! You’re a real insecure %*&, James!

    • January 20, 2012 at 9:56 pm

      Ah yes, the ad hominem, Mary. Well done.

    • January 20, 2012 at 9:59 pm

      Yes, can we refrain from the ad homs please? See our comments policy.

    • January 21, 2012 at 7:25 am

      Actually, Mary, there are many, many people that, beneath their surface appearance, are ‘insecure’.

      It tends to be mostly the young, though. Their bravado and outward self-esteem is a façade.

    • January 21, 2012 at 8:33 pm

      Mary, didn’t really know what Hello magazine was but at work today, someone had donated six or seven editions so I brought one home and am about to look. It has Kate and Princess Mary on the cover.

  4. January 20, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    By the way, did you see this just now:

    … and a comment which got about 700 approvals:

    All you are doing is playing with the child’s mind and confusing him. Lets hope he does not have any problems later on because of his selfish parents….what idiots

    Yep, play the gender game and f*** everything up. Play the PC game and stuff up the society.

    The mother:

    ‘And of course somebody said straight away: “So is it a boy or a girl?” I said “I’m not going to tell you”.

    ‘I discovered later that I’d been described as “that loony woman who doesn’t know whether her baby is a boy or a girl”.

    ‘And I could never persuade anyone in the group to come round for coffee. They just thought I was mental.

    She should invite Rashida Dati who doesn’t know who the father of her kid is. They could have a nice peaceful coffee time.

    Yep – great for a healthy society:

    Britain has two million single parent families with majority of children raised by mother alone

    Here’s a good one:

    Utah school district gets rid of cougar mascot because it’s offensive to women

    • January 20, 2012 at 10:42 pm
      • January 21, 2012 at 7:21 am

        Why are these people not prosecuted for child abuse?

        • January 21, 2012 at 8:30 am

          These parents have much in common with religious extremists whose reaction to what they see as wrong with society is to reject the behavioural norms and disconnect themselves – or those they wish to protect.

          It is quite possible to bring up children without imposing gender stereotypes on them – though peer pressure is another matter; to go this one stage further and be prepared both to endure the social consequences and to solicit media attention could hardly be said to be acting in the child’s best interest.

          To repeat your comment from my post on the Canadian case:

          It smacks too much of them not wanting a child for itself, but for some grand, self-publicising experiment.

  5. January 20, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    Also, what do the ladies make of Michelle Langley? As a woman, is she wrong about women? If she has a barrow to push, what is it? I mean, if I argue against alimony and the CSA, it’s pretty clear why. Why though would she spill the beans on her own sex?

    According to Michelle Langley, author of Women’s Infidelity, female unfaithfulness often follows a predictable pattern:

    * The woman pushes a man for commitment
    * She gets what she wants
    * She loses interest in sex
    * She becomes attracted to someone else
    * She starts cheating
    * She becomes angry and resentful
    * She tells her partner they need time apart
    * She blames her partner for her behavior—and after making herself and everyone else miserable—ends the relationship

    If you take the stats in the post, that 50% of women are unfaithful, then logically Michelle Langley is referring to that 50% but the other 50% would be horrified to be included in the wrong half. In fact, many of them might be sufferers of male infidelity.

    I’d love to see the real stats on happy marriages where no one cheats on anyone, children are with their biological parents and the two parents seem to love one another. What – 20%, 40%, 60%?

    • January 21, 2012 at 7:23 am

      I’m afraid it’s likely to be one of the lower percentages. And likely dropping fast!

      I wouldn’t just put this down to ‘Women are less mature today’. I think men are too, or rather, less secure in themselves.

      In fact, we seem to be heading to a mass infantilisation of society!

      • January 21, 2012 at 7:18 pm

        Absolutely so.

      • January 21, 2012 at 10:23 pm

        I’d argue it’s more an excessively prolonged adolescence – juvenile but with the complication of sexuality without emotional maturity.

  6. January 21, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    I have problems with the statistics. If male infidelity is steady at 50% then presumably the figure should be steady at 50% for women. As they say it takes two to tango.

  7. January 21, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    James, your article prompted a search:

    “British anthropologist J. D. Unwin, whose 1934 book, Sex and Culture, chronicled the historical decline of numerous cultures. Unwin studied 86 different cultures throughout history and discovered a surprising fact: No nation that rejected monogamy in marriage and pre-marital sexual chastity lasted longer than a generation after it embraced sexual hedonism. Unwin stated it this way, “In human records there is no instance of a society retaining its energy after a complete new generation has inherited a tradition which does not insist on prenuptial and post-nuptial continence.”

    Unwin also said that it takes three generations for this phenomenon to occur, so if we start counting from 1960, and a generation is twenty five years, we end up with 2035 as being the end of our civilization. Something to ponder as we enter 2011.”

    Why Cultures Die


    ***“Men and women,” rejoices feminist-anthropologist Helen Fisher, “are moving toward the kind of roles they had on the grasslands of Africa millions of years ago..”
    It was the creation of [the role of the father]—only a few thousand years ago—which made patriarchal civilization possible. Prior to that, mankind had to muddle through the million years of the Stone Age with the female-headed reproductive arrangements of the ghetto, the barnyard and the rain forest.***

    Curbing the Appetites of Women

  8. Able
    January 21, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    I doubt very much if there is any rise in female infidelity, if anything I believe it is the change in social acceptance of that female infidelity which is shown by the womens willingness to admit to it in a survey.

    What do I base this on? Nothing more than apocryphal personal experience. I have worked in both male and female dominated professions and in both, colleagues of both genders would have extra-marital affairs in about the same proportions (ie. it has nothing to do with gender, but a lot to do with how much an individual values commitment).

    There may be an increase but I believe it has more to do with the fact that women will lose nothing, and frequently gain a great deal (financially), if caught in such behaviour. The man, however, faces financial and social destruction if caught.

    Socially it has become more and more acceptable for women to act this way due to how it is portrayed. If a man wanders, he’s a player, if a women wanders, either the husband didn’t pay her enough attention (supply whatever she wanted) or wasn’t good enough if he did. Look at divorce proceedings where it is overwhelmingly portrayed as the mans fault, whatever the real reasons. Consider that old advertisement of a woman who feels wronged, she destroys his clothes, smashes his property and then takes his money and car. Women applaud this behaviour, yet imagine the uproar and the legal result if a man did exactly the same thing.

    I consider this along the lines of the hypocrisy of undermining the male image (if a character on tv is stupid/incompetent/bad – it’s a man) as well as the strange feeling of superiority most women subconsciously have that they are all sexual athletes (whereas men are generally scored on their sexual ability – usually badly, never considering if they themselves are less able).

    As I say, I don’t see any real gender differences. The difference is in the result and portrayal. Reward a behaviour and it will increase, so look for ever increasing (admitted) female infidelity, seperation and divorce.

    • January 21, 2012 at 7:29 pm

      I doubt very much if there is any rise in female infidelity, if anything I believe it is the change in social acceptance of that female infidelity which is shown by the womens willingness to admit to it in a survey.

      What do I base this on? Nothing more than apocryphal personal experience.

      More than that – there was hard evidence. A survey was done [I’ll try to find it] which had men and women admit to how many lovers they’d had and it was done firstly being told someone was listening, secondly, anonymously [same people, same question] and then that there was reward for honesty.

      Obviously that was going to be skewed across male and female but males came out around the same area with all three and women’s varied wildly, depending on the circumstances.

      So many women say there’s no stigma today – that’s what the PCists want them to believe and it’s repeated, that mantra, in every organ. Yet read women interviewed about it and there is still either a clear unease in admitting sleeping about or else the opposite extreme – great bravado, backed up with pseudo-survey justifications. I read as many of these as I could handle for the purposes of research.

      The bottom line is that society as a whole does not like women screwing about and that includes the opinion of many women too. Logically, it is a sound position, to take the high moral ground because then getting stuck into philandering males who think they’re G-d’s gift to women has validity.

      I’ve a post coming up on Mills and Boon and the blurb on one of these was bizarre. I’m not a good girl, I was seduced [not my fault] and made pregnant [not my fault] but even though I was married, it wasn’t a good marriage [not my fault] and so I was actually both a pure girl and a great lover simultaneously.

      I do agree I should lay off the ladies now because what’s the point railing about the nature of the beast. Might as well rail at male arrogance. Gets us nowhere. Today I was with a woman who hates men now. I wonder why she bothered being with me then. Perhaps because I’m a mouse. 🙂

      • Able
        January 21, 2012 at 10:33 pm


        Thanks for the comment and I agree, I think, to an extent.

        I should perhaps have qualified my statement. The female dominated profession I work in is nursing, and much as it affects my ego (poor male thing that it is) I am treated as one of the girls (no I’m not gay – damn, these sexual questions are a sensitive area aren’t they?). This occurs to the point that conversations normally completely denied in front of men are quite commonplace (try concentrating on work when a group of female colleagues start discussing female anatomy, form and function in front of you). Women do discus things amongst their friends and peer groups that no self-respecting male would ever even consider discussing with a male, best and closest friend or not. The women if asked about such conversations would deny them vehemently, hinting at your degeneracy for even allowing the possibility that they might act in such a manner.

        The result? I have heard of multiple infidelities, flings and regular flirtations from the most upright and mature ladies. In all cases the peer group appeared to view it as acceptable, inevitable even with the ‘husbands failings’ (the point being their failings are never even considered). The males I have heard about never brought it into conversation but when challenged (by a woman) seemed slightly ashamed, and they appear to be universally seen, by both genders, as players, immoral and immature (although from the males the responses tend towards the competitive – how dare he have two women, and I can’t 🙂 ). So the men see it as something they shouldn’t do, admit it reluctantly but secretly seem proud, the women seem to see it as their right, any fault being the mans, but will never admit it to outsiders.

        So, again it is based only on personal experience, but I doubt whether survey, blind, with rewards or not any of my colleagues would reveal their affairs to a survey taker, it is a confidence kept for friends. I know I have hedged bets on surveys many times on issues less personal but that I felt projected an image of me I did not want to reveal. (you try being a libertarian in an NHS hospital).

        Oh and yes, every one of the separated and divorced ladies KNOWS it was the man who failed the marriage/relationship test, whereas at least a significant portion of the men sit there wondering what they did wrong.

        Just for the record I am in no way a misogynist, I view women as as capable and competent as men. There are differences, the chief of which appears to be psychological. if I have any issues it is with the current feminist hypocrisy that ‘we are better than any man… but we need twice as much help, and anything we do wrong is always a mans fault’.

        Oh, as an aside, I’d appreciate your opinion on something else I have observed. The men I have known have shown consistency in the type (and even appearance) of woman they are attracted to and then subsequently settle down with. The women, however, appear in general to be attracted to one type for a ‘boyfriend’ (ie. Jack the lad, dangerous, exciting, fun) but when it comes to settling down they either go for the entire opposite or attempt to change Jack into ‘Reliable Ron’. Then, of course, any failure of the marriage/relationship is down to his being who-he-is and not who-she-currently-wants.

  9. DerekP
    January 21, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    James Higham: “I do agree I should lay off the ladies now because what’s the point railing about the nature of the beast.”

    I wouldn’t have said you were railing. I certainly found your article interesting and enlightening, and possibly useful.

    Your list from Michelle Langley where “…female unfaithfulness often follows a predictable pattern:” pretty much matched my last three serious relationships; I thought I must have had a deepset problem in the choices I made in women and had decided ‘never again’. Now, though, I’ll follow up on the information and links provided and reconsider if there is a good chance of improving my choices and decisions.

    I think there must still be plenty of good women out there, it just seems that the supremely-selfish women have a keen interest in and are very good at marketing an image. Such image making probably doesn’t stand up to factual scrutiny, as in dna paternity testing.

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