Phrases You’ll Almost Never See In The ‘Guardian’…

…so cherish them when they do appear:

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean you’re right. Offence is just a mode of social control. It is taken not given, and more harm is created by taking offence than giving it.

Amazing, eh? And in a little ‘nothing’ celebrity piece about some bloke’s throwaway remark about breasts. Amazing!

This being the ‘Guardian’, mind you, it wasn’t long (the very next sentence, actually) before she was back on message:

This whole kerfuffle reminds us all that the democratisation of information has a few drawbacks. Personally, I’m in favour of people needing licenses to own keyboards, and certification of intelligence to get licenses.

Ah, well. It was good while it lasted…

6 comments for “Phrases You’ll Almost Never See In The ‘Guardian’…

  1. ivan
    August 28, 2013 at 9:45 am

    We could hope that her next sentence would apply the Law of Unintended Consequences and close the ‘Guardian’ down and maybe even several government departments and quangos. If we were very lucky and there was a stringent application of the need for intelligence it might even put politicians out of a job.

  2. Verily
    August 28, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    A licence for using a keyboard? Why not?

    Just think of the vast bureaucracy this would create (with generous pension plans), as well as giving rise to law-breaking (the secret distribution and use of unlicensed keyboards), more laws for the police to enforce (“‘Allo, ‘allo, we got ourselves a touch typist here?”) and the inevitable standards enforcement officials checking that the tests have not been ‘doctored’ in some way and all assessment grades are fair and above board. Work aplenty here, people! I expect here the ‘minority victim’ industry can get involved with quotas and special training for the non-English among us.

    Given however that some of the most inane typing and pompous pontificating is done by the ‘intelligent’ left at their keyboards, this would be an interesting test to set up.

  3. August 28, 2013 at 6:04 pm

    The hackette quotes an exemption clause in the keyboard licencing bill –

    “Any British-Chinese gay man who gets up people’s noses for calling breasts ‘bangers’ is my kind of guy”

    No doubt the above can be construed to mean black, islamic, etc too.

  4. August 29, 2013 at 2:10 am

    Hows about a Tweet-Tax? It could have an ‘evasion’ clause for anyone who uses 139 characters or fewer. Progressive of course. Stamp out Precisism.

    • August 31, 2013 at 7:01 am


  5. Penseivat
    August 30, 2013 at 10:53 pm

    If people are offended, it’s simply because they choose to be offended. They may simply disagree and say so. However, the hysterical sisterhood choose to be offended and demand the head of the person who offends them. I could choose to be offended by some of the twaddle the lesbian guardianistas scream, but I don’t. I just consider them to be simple minded, single-issue, tunnel-visioned hypocrites and get on with my life. Personally, I find ‘bangers’ just as descriptive as ‘diddies’, ‘fun-bags’ ‘sexy pillows’, ‘love bumps’ and many other terms. None of which I find offensive. Go Gok!

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