Xavier Toby Is In The Lead In The #FirstWorldProblems Stakes For 2013

Frankly, he’s going to be hard to beat. His problem? Loyalty programs.

Yes, that’s right. They’re just so taxing, you see…

Filling out some form, and then receiving statements, getting told about “special” offers, along with keeping track of membership cards and points. Trying to remember to spend my points before they expire, which I never do. No wonder why I no longer bother. All those tasks eat into my leisure time, which is what I value the most. I might only earn $20 an hour, but my leisure time is worth at least $90 per hour. So loyalty program, pay me $90 per hour for my time or go away.

I do rather think you’re over-valuing your time there, Xavier…

At one stage my wallet became so fat with receipts for cheap petrol, discounts and two for ones and assorted coffee and loyalty cards that closing it was like trying to squeeze into my primary school pants.

Oh, the humanity!

We’re repeatedly told these loyalty schemes have been designed to save us money. Rubbish. They’re designed to make the company money, otherwise they wouldn’t bother.

Well…yes. Does that really come as a shock?

When involved, instead of anything interesting, my head is filled with; “Did I remember that coffee card?”; “Where’s that receipt for cheap petrol? I can’t believe I’ve forgotten it again”; “I need to book a flight. Where’s that Frequent Flyer card?”. After looking for half an hour and giving up, all I have is half an hour less of my precious leisure time.

Have you considered just not using them? Well, no. Of course not. This is CiF, after all, where the terminal control-freaks come to whinge and whine and demand the world change to suit them

So let’s make the whole lot of them illegal.

*sighs* Yes, of course.

To attract more customers, just try making your stuff cheaper. For everyone. And if it doesn’t happen, one way we can all make these schemes disappear is by refusing to be involved. If they don’t have any members, they won’t exist.

Sounds like a good idea. Maybe if we all stop reading indulgent crap like this, CiF will cease to exist?

What’s that..? Oh. Right.

5 comments for “Xavier Toby Is In The Lead In The #FirstWorldProblems Stakes For 2013

  1. September 5, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    Was this the one which missed schedule? Just came in to publish it.

  2. September 5, 2013 at 1:45 pm

    “Have you got a Clubcard?”



  3. September 6, 2013 at 12:47 am

    Guardian comments generator – it creates the BS, you post it

    http://www.tomforth.co.uk/guardiancomments/ 🙄

  4. September 6, 2013 at 10:49 am

    Xavier went to the Journalist-Mum school of ‘Hear me Roar’.

  5. Andrew Duffin
    September 13, 2013 at 7:48 am

    Xavier Toby?

    You made that name up, right?

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