Escape the curse of the south, dear people …

the curse of the southSincere condolences for all those condemned to living in the south of the country, particularly in London.

For us oop norf, it’s with great pity that we follow your woes down there, a massive swaying tide of humanity on the roads, on the Tube, on the streets, trying to catch a taxi, squeezing into the bars with their blaring music, living like beasts.

You’re welcome to come to the wilds oop ‘ere, with open spaces, greenery, babbling brooks, the occasional car on the road, birds twittering about the new spring coming soon, away from the pressure cooker living at exorbitant prices down there.

Here you’re at one with nature and with no Bob Crowe within sight, no raging seas or fierce storms. We are a forgotten postscript to Britain oop ‘ere.

Tube systems don’t break down, leaving passengers to walk along the Central Line to safety, there are no Euston bombings, there’s no pressure cooker.

If you really must live down there, then it has to be because of work. However, if close to retirement, perhaps you’d consider a less stressed lifestyle in God’s own countryside.

Meander along a canal, have a picnic, get to another town by car in 20 minutes and the people are warm and friendly when not nicking things from your home.

You could learn to speak Geordie, Scouse, Mancunian but it wouldn’t help you, as I’m referring to the true norf out of those conurbations, like Middlesb like Pickering or Masham, Goathland, Ugglebarnby.

So to all you long-suffering southerners – throw off your shackles, throw off your stresses and worries and coom oop norf.

4 comments for “Escape the curse of the south, dear people …

  1. February 6, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    Go North?? I had a similar epiphany a decade ago and one two decades before that. I went South. I escaped the horrendous crowds of the Uk for the sunny climes and most beautiful city of Melbourne in Oz. Yes, a huge city. Bigger by far than greater London but with only 3 million folk then. What a delightful city it is too. But a decade ago even that, the endless suburbs – even though pleasant and easy to traverse – got to me. The traffic. The clogged roads around and in the CBD. The Lebanese and Greeks, and Italians. The Chinese and Vietnamese. I yearned for the quiet and close beaches. I moved to Hobart. Here there are hills everywhere. No flat horizons. And every mile brings a different vista of blue waters, white beaches, forests and farms. Old stone villages built in the convict days, on an ‘English’ pattern. You can drive for miles and pass three cars. An island the size of Ireland but with only half a million souls. Bugger the north of England with its rain, fog, cold and winds.

  2. Furor Teutonicus
    February 6, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    Aye, but you don’t get many bush fires in North Yorkshire, and the kangaroos are much more tame.

  3. February 6, 2014 at 5:09 pm

    No, thanks, James — even though I spent much of this afternoon in the capital walking around in steady rain (a prior commitment I couldn’t change).

    • February 7, 2014 at 4:29 am

      True. Swings and roundabouts.

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