Dateline December 30th, 2075

In an historic simul-video-televisor-holographic broadcast, Lord Antony Corbyn, the Prime Minister-designate and late-Leader of the Opposition’s grandson, High Court Justice and Formula One winner, has astonished the entire Nation by finding someone, acceptable to everybody, after sixty years and fifteen thousand possible candidates; to finally lead the Combined Historic-Child-Abuse / Grenfell Tower disaster  / European Parliament Massacre by Primary School-aged Serbian mercenaries / British Involvement in the Chinese Government’s Overthrow / Emperor Donald Trump’s (The hereditary Leader of AllTheAmericasNorth&SouthandCanada and grandson of the original) fourth and fifth attempts to occupy the Shetland Islands / Bank of Greater British Empire’s (Inclusive of all of Europe) legacy in owning just about all the world’s assets by legerdemain, brute force and fast talkingInquiry.

 

He stated that the chosen man / woman / other / it had very recently arrived by fusion-powered rubber dinghy from the Antarctic Peninsula which was the place of his/her/its birth; had been interviewed over a three month period, and had been assessed as having no knowledge at all of any of the multitude of problems/ grievances/ allegations, and therefore could be said to be totally neutral. The Inquiry, renamed The Inquiry-Plus, will sit in the cities of London-Birmingham, Glasgow-Edinburgh and Belfast-Dublin, with a combined workforce of just over 2 million and a host of super computers.

 

Frederica/Fred/I-wanna-hold-your-Hand Nelson has agreed to lead the Inquiry, with his/her/it’s first words being ‘Haven’t we got a big, comfortable chair which can swivel? I’ve always wanted one of them.”

3 comments for “Dateline December 30th, 2075

  1. June 29, 2017 at 4:53 pm

    Now Mike, are you taking this thing entirely seriously?

  2. June 29, 2017 at 5:21 pm

    Well, alright, ‘ European Parliament Massacre alleged to have been carried out by Primary School-aged Serbian mercenaries /…..’

    Okay?

  3. Errol
    June 29, 2017 at 6:27 pm

    A public inquiry is not designed to make things clear but to put people in the clear.

    Any inquiry will find nothing. No one will suggest that the council should have properly tested the panels because that would mean exposing them to criticism. They in turn would say they didn’t have the funds. No one would suggest that this is what they consume £22m a year in salaries to do.

    No one will ask why the materials were not checked because that is under the control of the EU, and the EU forbids us checking our own materials. That would make the blessed praised EU look bad.

    Equally, no one will ask why, when the producer told the council which panels to buy it didn’t listen.

    No one will ask why the residents committee wasn’t listened to because that would show the council as useless, greedy incompetents utterly uninterested in doing anything but going through the motions and pretence to tick boxes.

    No one will ask why the cheapest was chosen because that would mean admitting they wanted to cream off the top and spend the yearly budget to make sure it went up next year, as that would expose them as greedy bastards.

    Every organisation actually guilty will walk away scot free. The supplier will be blamed. They will sue the council/government and the tax payer will foot the bill.

    All those actually guilty will continue claiming six figure salaries (for attending a few meetings, with a captive market, no product and payment enforced by law) and an egregiously high pension until they retire and offensive expenses, happily forgotten as responsible.

    The tax payer will foot a huge bill – likely hundreds of millions and nothing will change. Nothing. No-thing.

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