A conversation with a muslim interpreter’s acquaintance.


Writing for the Mail in his first article since being promoted to Home Secretary on Monday, Sajid Javid said: ‘It is only right that we honour their service and ensure they are able to continue with the lives that they have built here.’ In another breakthrough, Mr Javid said he would review whether their wives and children should be allowed in. Many of them had complained they had not been able to bring relatives across at the same time for practical reasons, only to be told it was now too late. Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson also vowed to fight for the ‘courageous’ translators. ‘The Afghan interpreters have served this country with great loyalty and bravery by serving shoulder-to-shoulder with our Armed Forces,’ he said.


Brit Border Agency staffer; Stansted.

“Good morning sir, could I please ask you to marshall the seventy-five odd people who are signed as part of your party, to one side: clearing the area in front of the desks, please?”

Five minutes later, as the noise, keening and wailing subsides to a dull murmur.

B.B.A. S. Thank you sir, might I ask you for your travel documents?

Afghani man: “As you can see, I, together with my family, cousins, uncles and kin, are seeking asylum from terror and the Taliban in our former homeland, and, in accord with the newly-appointed British Home Secretary’s statements regarding interpreters who worked for the British Army in Helmand Province, are confidently seeking asylum in Great Britain.

B.B.A. S.

“Certainly, sir, if you could just point to the document which shows and confirms that you were on patrol with British soldiers in Helmand province, acting as an interpreter, and your stay will be immediately confirmed, as agreed and formally accepted by the newly-appointed Muslim Home Secretary.”

Afghani man:  “Whilst I cannot truthfully state that I was a member of that brave group who kept their faces hidden at all times for fear of retribution, I can confirm that the second cousin of my fourth brother’s third wife worked as a cook for a cobbler who regularly repaired British Army Interpreters’ footwear. The word got around, and the threats of instant retribution against all collaborators came for us all, so we decided to flee, and here we are.”

B.B.A. S. picks up phone and calls Home Office headquarters, Border Agency. “Colin, according to our records, the total numbers of Afghan and Iraqi interpreters we are now admitting to the UK stands at 45,000, inclusive of the thousands of family members, hangers-on and the like. Tell the Minister to advise the Home Secretary that, once again, Muslim Home Secretary or not, the bloody Government needs to ‘shut the **** up’!

6 comments for “A conversation with a muslim interpreter’s acquaintance.

  1. May 5, 2018 at 6:32 am

    Does one detect a certain disingenuity among the Afghans here?

    • James Strong
      May 5, 2018 at 11:12 am

      I detect bucket loads of disingenuity in the flight of fantasy in the OP.

  2. James Strong
    May 5, 2018 at 11:10 am

    I don’t know what the point of this article, with its fantasy conversation at the border post, is.

    In my opinion interptreters who worked with British forces in Afghanistan should be allowed in, together with spouses and children.
    To do so is just and fair recognition of their service to our forces.

    It also makes it much more likely that in any future conflicts there will be help from the local population.

    Leave these interpreters to possible retribution from our enemies in their homelands and word will spread, ‘Don’t co-operate with the British, they are not to be trusted and will leave you to suffer torture and death.’

    Letting these people in is exactly the sort of controlled immigration that I am in favour of.

    • Lord T
      May 5, 2018 at 11:14 am

      Although I agree with you call for people that worked with us to be admitted I don’t agree with the word spreaing. We, the West, have screwed the local populations this way for centuries and they still line up. They are as naive as we are.

      • Voice of Reason
        May 5, 2018 at 7:31 pm

        Perhaps. but the US and the UK have held themselves up as the ‘good guys’, at least since WWII, and we have a duty to at least try to deserve that.

  3. Pcar
    May 5, 2018 at 8:35 pm

    I agree with allowing Afghan interpreters given asylum, but strict signed contract & rules enforced – eg sex offense and expelled

    Gov’t are stupendously naive, stupid and never consider the 2nd order consequences of their latest idea – eg Help To Buy. Whilst at the same time retrospectively changing laws to save peanuts yet causing untold damage to those effected

    With immigration, their laxity on “family” is a case in point – in USA termed Chain Migration

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